


We're Haunted

by FinkPloyd



Category: South Park
Genre: Anxiety, Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, Fear, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Fluffy Ending, Ghosts, Haunted Houses, Living Together, M/M, Paranoia, Paranormal, Relationship(s), Spirits
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-03
Updated: 2019-03-03
Packaged: 2019-11-05 22:20:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 988
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17927450
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FinkPloyd/pseuds/FinkPloyd
Summary: Eric is worried that his & Kyle's apartment is haunted.





	We're Haunted

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this because I was actually awake and paranoid. I heard weird noises outside my door while everyone was asleep. I needed to get my mind off it, so here we are.

Kyle was greeted by a spam of 12 texts as he left work. They all were sent from the contact “ **_Honey <3_ ** ”.

 

_ Babe _

_ Babe I have a problem _

_ Help _

_ Why aren’t you answering _

_ Please  _

_ Answer me dammit _

_ BABE HELP PLEASE _

_ CALL ME  _

_ HURRY UP _

_ WHEN ARE YOU GETTING HOME  _

_ BAAAAABBBBBEEEE _

_ WHAT THE HELL _

 

Kyle was used to Eric’s freak outs, tantrums, meltdowns...Call it what you’d like. They had been dating for two years and living together for 8 months. They saved up their money, every little penny they could find in order to rent out a nice 675 sq. ft. apartment near Kyle’s job. 

 

It wasn’t easy dating Eric Cartman, but Kyle also knew it wasn’t easy dating him either. They both had vices, but also virtues that they both appreciated. For example, Eric was an extremely emotional and dramatic person. It was both a vice and virtue. He could blow things out of proportions within a matter of seconds, but the virtue of it was that he was very romantic and emotionally dedicated to Kyle. He made Kyle feel wanted. He had the ability to reign in the explosive feelings now because of his weekly therapy sessions. They definitely helped in several aspects of Eric’s life and in their relationship.

 

Now was one of those times where Eric’s emotions were losing some stability. He could tell just based off the texts and how they progressed into all caps. As a child, he’d get pissed off or try to ignore it. Though for Kyle, he could never ignore Eric whether he liked it or not. It was like a natural instinct and urge to get involved in almost anything with Eric. Especially if Eric was losing his shit. 

 

Kyle debated calling his boyfriend. He wasn’t very far from their apartment, but in the past he’d never received 12 texts consecutively when Eric was freaking out. He sighed and decided it would be better to handle it in person. 

 

**…**

  
  


As soon as Kyle pushed open their front door, he was rammed into by Eric. 

 

“Where the fuck have you been? I texted you 12 times.” Eric glowered at him. 

 

Kyle sighed and wriggled out of his boyfriend’s death grip, “You may have had a day off from your job today, but I didn’t. I get off at 5:30 like usual, and I don’t have time to text you all day at work.”

 

He looked at at his boyfriend and sighed, placing a tender kiss to Eric’s forehead. 

 

“Alright, what’s wrong?” He looked at him expectantly.

 

Eric walked to the couch and sat down, “Come here and I’ll tell you everything.”

 

Kyle sat down and fidgeted, there were too many possibilities for this conversation. The spectrum was too wide. 

 

“We’re haunted.”

 

Kyle’s feelings transitioned from concerned and confused, to skeptical and on the verge of a laughing fit. Eric caught onto that, another vice or virtue of his emotionality. He glared at Kyle.

 

“I’m sorry honey, we’re what?” Kyle wanted to double check that he just heard his boyfriend correctly.

 

“We’re fucking haunted asshat!” Eric seethed at him.

 

“Okay sweetheart, now that just doesn’t sound logical at all.” 

 

“Just because it’s not logical, doesn’t mean it’s not real.”

 

Kyle wasn’t always the best at soothing Eric’s fears, and clearly this situation was an excellent example of that. He would need to go along with it until Eric felt at peace with it. That’s what his therapist once recommended to Kyle after they had a monumental fight over something that wasn’t in the slightest important.

 

“Okay, well then what evidence do you have to support this?” Kyle loved Eric more than anything, so if this would help calm him down then he’d go right along. 

 

Eric paced for a moment, “Alright, well… you were at work. It was around noon when it happened, and I would of called you but your lunch break was over by then. I was in the living room and play Dead Before Daylight on the Xbox.”

 

Kyle nodded, encouraging him to go on.

 

Eric started to pace as he spoke again, “I heard a loud crash, like something heavy fell onto the floor. Before you ask, no it wasn’t Mr. Kitty Jr. because she was sleeping next to me. Anyway, I got up and walked into the kitchen. I found three of our cabinets open wide and some of our plates and dishes smashed all over the floor. I cut my foot open on the glass while cleaning up.”

 

Kyle’s gaze shot down to Eric’s foot, “Is it okay? Was it bleeding a lot?” 

 

“I’m fine, I cleaned it up and bandaged it. That’s not the concern here though. Our apartment is haunted! We have to move out of the building now, Kyle.” 

 

He tried not to roll his eyes, “This was just one occurrence, sunshine. Maybe there was an earthquake or something?” 

 

“Um, no this is the third,” Eric huffed, “This has happened within the time span of one month. It’s not safe here.”  

 

That roped Kyle’s complete attention in, “What? Three times and you’re telling me now?”

 

Eric shrugged and looked down, “I don’t want you to worry while you’re at work.”

 

Kyle sighed softly and wrapped his arms around his boyfriend, “How about I take a look around. Will that make you feel better?” 

 

Eric snuggled into Kyle’s embrace and mumbled a ‘yes’.

 

So, they spent the evening looking in every cabinet, corner, and closet. Kyle knew Eric’s anxiety and sensitivity had been at all-time high since moving into this new apartment. He’d do anything to make sure his sunshine felt safe while he wasn’t home. 

 

Later that night, after their two hour long assessment of the apartment, the two were snuggling in bed. It was winter and one of the downsides of the apartment was the heater was on its last legs. 

 

The other downside was that it was haunted. 

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Food for thought: does it have to be a long story to be a good story? 
> 
> I've read several excellent fics that are well over 50k words and also others under 1k words. If you see it's under 1k words, do you decide not to read it? What criteria boxes need to be checked off in order to be considered a good story? 
> 
> I've been thinking about this as I read on here.


End file.
